I\u2019ve found so many beautiful new songs lately that I haven\u2019t turned my Spotify off for days. \u00a0It\u2019s playing all the time and I often fall asleep with earphones in and the timer set.\u00a0 Randomly shuffling through my worship playlist excites me because, more often than not, God will choose a song to convict me, teach me, encourage me or inspire me.\u00a0 Sometimes, he\u2019ll simply start a conversation between the two of us that He knows we need to have.\u00a0 Today we talked about how patient He is. How faithful and how kind.\u00a0 Through a song I\u2019d not heard before He took a passage that I\u2019d read earlier in the day and turned it.\u00a0 Just a tad.\u00a0 I slight change in direction so that my eyes could see anew how incredibly gentle He is to His children.<\/p>\n
It was the story about Peter.<\/p>\n
The nightmare started when Jesus was arrested and only became worse as the night wore on and Peter denied knowing Him. \u00a0Three times! \u00a0How could he?\u00a0 Especially since Jesus gave him a heads up at dinner. Just hours before, Jesus had told His disciples that they would deny and abandon Him. Peter was horrified.\u00a0 He protested and was certain that He\u2019d never do such a thing. He even went so far as to say He\u2019d die before denying Christ.\u00a0 It might be tempting to judge how quickly Peter seemed to forget such a shocking conversation until we realize that we do it all the time.\u00a0 Don\u2019t we?<\/p>\n
At least I do.<\/p>\n
I hear God\u2019s voice so unquestionably, experience His presence so profoundly or see His purpose so clearly that I confidently, and with all sincerity, vow to die before I would disobey His voice, forget His presence or stray from His call.\u00a0 And I mean it with all my heart as I\u2019m sure Peter did.<\/p>\n
But then came the moment when it all flooded back and Peter stood in a courtyard only to realize exactly what he\u2019d done. And all he could do was weep.<\/p>\n
How often do we react to our sin, our forgetfulness, our disobedience or our apathy with that kind of remorse?\u00a0 How often do we even recognize that we\u2019ve denied Him?\u00a0 I\u2019m sure that if it was something \u201cbig\u201d we would fall to our knees in shame and weep, but the truth is that it\u2019s all \u201cbig\u201d. \u00a0Some things are just easier to see and feel because there\u2019s no rationalizing them away. They weigh on us like the weight of the world and we can barely breath.\u00a0 Other things become so comfortable that we repeat them over and over without even recognizing that they are wrong.\u00a0 And there are those struggles that we\u2019ve had for so long that we\u2019ve just given up on being free from them.\u00a0 We stop fighting and start to rationalize our way out of any culpability? No matter what it might be, it\u2019s all the same- a betrayal of the One we belong to?<\/p>\n
The question is, will we wake up to what we\u2019ve done or what we\u2019re doing?\u00a0 Do we care enough to weep over it?\u00a0 Do we want to stop the cycle that we\u2019ve been repeating and die to ourselves in order to live for Christ?\u00a0 Peter didn\u2019t notice his sin the first time either.\u00a0 It took three betrayals before he woke up to what was happening and I\u2019m sure that wasn\u2019t lost on him.\u00a0 \u00a0I would hedge a bet that he beat himself up over it quiet a bit.<\/p>\n
But then there\u2019s this passage from church on Sunday.<\/p>\n
Then Jesus said,\u00a0\u201cCome to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.\u00a0\u00a0<\/sup><\/strong>Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 \u00a0 Matthew 11:28-30<\/p>\n Jesus is humble and gentle.\u00a0 He\u2019s kind. He\u2019s patient. He\u2019s loving.\u00a0 He\u2019s strong and He fights for me and with me as He prays on my behalf.\u00a0 I\u2019m certain He prays for those things that I struggle with. \u00a0I imagine that He prays for me to wake up to the heavy burdens I carry and that I\u2019d have the courage to lay those things down at His feet.\u00a0 After all, He knows that\u2019s the only way I\u2019ll find rest.\u00a0 Freedom from the repetitive nature of the things that hold me captive is found in exchanging my load for His. \u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s a great deal because his is so much lighter than mine.\u00a0 It\u2019s lighter than yours too.\u00a0\u00a0 Whether your load consists of lots of hidden denials that \u00a0\u00a0have accumulated so slowly over time that you aren\u2019t even aware of the burden you carry or whether it\u2019s one big heavy burden that threatens to crush you – you weren\u2019t meant to carry it.\u00a0 It\u2019s too heavy for your shoulders or mine.\u00a0 But His shoulders can handle whatever we have to give. Whatever we are ready to die to, \u00a0once and for all.<\/p>\n Shame. Regret. Weariness. \u00a0Anger. Bitterness. Pride. Fear.<\/p>\n Even if we pick it back up tomorrow.<\/p>\n He won\u2019t turn me away when I fall on His mercy and grace\u2026no matter how often I\u2019ve fallen on it before.\u00a0 It\u2019s as relentless as the waves. \u00a0\u00a0He\u2019ll continue to offer the trade of His load for mine until I find freedom, once and for all, through His blood and in His love.<\/p>\n