{"id":1132,"date":"2018-10-07T23:15:02","date_gmt":"2018-10-07T23:15:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/simplymeandjeans.wordpress.com\/?p=1132"},"modified":"2025-03-07T19:24:01","modified_gmt":"2025-03-07T19:24:01","slug":"daddys-voice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/?p=1132","title":{"rendered":"Daddy’s Voice"},"content":{"rendered":"

“The gatekeeper opens the gate for him <\/em><\/strong>(the shepherd)<\/em>, and the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.”<\/em><\/strong> \u00a0John 10:3<\/p>\n

\u201cKaren\u201d<\/p>\n

So clearly in my mind that I open my eyes and wait to see if it comes again.<\/p>\n

Nothing.<\/p>\n

That one word rolls around through my thoughts gathering memories and fears until it crushes any sleep that I thought I\u2019d be getting.<\/p>\n

That distinctive cadence that comes from his Louisiana drawl in a warm baritone voice.\u00a0 It was like he was standing right next to me.<\/p>\n

Daddy.<\/p>\n

I would know his voice anywhere but now I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll forget it.\u00a0 That voice that\u2019s spent 60 plus years soothing souls with it\u2019s warmth, wisdom and space. That voice that has created cathedrals at dinner tables, weddings, funerals and Christmas mornings through prayers more beautifully crafted than a Shakespeare sonnet. \u00a0That voice that has taught God\u2019s truth with a perspective and honesty that rivals the greatest theologians and mystics.<\/p>\n

I know his voice.\u00a0 It\u2019s home.\u00a0 It\u2019s love.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s me.<\/p>\n

I hope he\u2019s in bed next to my mom and that they are both sleeping, but it\u2019s just as likely that he\u2019s sitting in his chair, in the dark…thinking. For years, he would sit there writing down thoughts and prayers with no light because he didn\u2019t want to wake her.\u00a0 Even when I gave him a pen with a flashlight on the end of it I\u2019m not sure he used it.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think he cared if anyone saw those scribblings as much as he just wanted to get them out of his head and onto paper.
\nI get that.<\/p>\n

After all, I\u2019m sitting in the dark doing that very thing right now.<\/p>\n

The fact that, now, \u00a0his thoughts have no way out of his mind makes my heart hurt for him. And for me.<\/p>\n

He knows what he wants to say but can\u2019t say it.\u00a0 It\u2019s just a jumble of words but he says them with the same beautiful intonation. The same cadences that I know like the back of my hand but fear I\u2019ll soon forget just as he probably feared a few weeks ago that he would soon be trapped without the use of his words.\u00a0 His lovely words.<\/p>\n

Is it ironic or cruel that this man that devoured books like candy, taught and preached almost his entire life, wrote cards and letters daily, \u00a0and fashioned stories and poems like they were child\u2019s play would end his life with words that mean nothing to anyone but him?\u00a0 Even the books he cherished are like a foreign language now.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s left with his thoughts and I pray that they are nothing but beautiful.<\/p>\n

Daddy.<\/p>\n

The man who showed me what integrity is when he had to fight for what\u2019s right even when it wasn\u2019t popular.\u00a0 The man who believed I should be able to do anything I wanted to do in life even though I was a girl. The man who allowed my youthful pride to argue theology only to see me come around hoping to have the understanding and faith that he has.\u00a0 The man that said we would, more than likely, find out in heaven that everything we thought to be certain is wrong\u2026so we should take our stand with humility and love\u2026but we should still take a stand. The man that believed in me, showed me how a wife should be loved, how to struggle with and fight inner demons, how to face defeat and success, how to be a friend, how to have compassion, how to think deeply and ask hard questions even if no one else understands, how to forgive others and ourselves, how to filet a fish. \u00a0This man that hung the moon for me my whole life not only says my name like no one else, he has a name for me that\u2019s used by no one else. A special name based on his knowledge of who I am.\u00a0 It\u2019s so much a part of me and representative of how much I love him that I\u2019ve shortened it to become my nickname for my granddaughters – bug.\u00a0 Even now I can hear his voice saying it.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Kbug.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s his name\u2026for me\u2026his daughter\u2026and it makes my heart want to run into his arms like I did as a little girl when he would walk in the door from work hearing me yell, \u201cDADDY!\u201d<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to forget his voice saying my name.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to forget the treasure that I was given to be born the daughter of Coyle Allen Stephenson.<\/p>\n

When he speaks, I know his voice.\u00a0 Even when it\u2019s in my mind.<\/p>\n

When he smiles, I feel his love. Even when he can\u2019t express it.<\/p>\n

And I suddenly see the most important thing Daddy taught me.<\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t the perfect Father, but he pointed me clearly to the one who is.<\/p>\n

He modeled, so well, how to be His child. My daddy knows our heavenly Father and I\u2019m sure they are having lots of very honest conversations these last few weeks.\u00a0 I\u2019m fighting fear every night because I don\u2019t know what lies ahead of us. I\u2019m sure daddy has those moments too. But I\u2019m also sure of this.<\/p>\n

My daddy knows the Shepherd’s voice and he knows how he says his name.\u00a0 He isn\u2019t alone and we haven\u2019t been abandoned.\u00a0 The Lord will carry us in his arms and bear our burdens every day of our lives. (Psalms 68:19)<\/p>\n

Suddenly, I have a new picture of the moment I\u2019ll stand before God in heaven.\u00a0 I think he\u2019ll get stars in his eyes, lean down to whisper my own special nickname into my ear with his own unique cadence, reach out with his arms for me to climb into his lap and will lovingly say, \u201cYou\u2019re fun to be with.\u201d<\/p>\n

And then we\u2019ll go find my daddy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Holy Bible<\/em>\u00a0New Living Translation, copyright \u00a9 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188, USA. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“The gatekeeper opens the gate for him (the shepherd), and the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.” \u00a0John 10:3 \u201cKaren\u201d So clearly in my mind that I open my eyes and wait to see if it comes again. Nothing. That one word […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1188,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,3,646,6],"tags":[123,754,128,175,189,191,232,246,274,305,331,341,753,756,752,719,755,608],"class_list":["post-1132","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faith","category-family","category-grief","category-reflections","tag-daddy","tag-daughter","tag-death","tag-eternity","tag-family","tag-father","tag-god","tag-grief","tag-hope","tag-jesus","tag-life","tag-love","tag-name","tag-recognition","tag-recognize","tag-shepherd","tag-son","tag-voice"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1132","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1132"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1132\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1188"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1132"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1132"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1132"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}