I forgot that it was my Daddy\u2019s birthday last week. It was the first birthday without him and I didn\u2019t call my Mom to check on her. In fact, I only remembered because I went to see her that evening and she mentioned a call from her best friend because of it. That\u2019s pretty bad! The feelings of being a horrible daughter and a terrible person started to overwhelm me until I realized I was acting pretty normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have conflicting feelings about birthdays. Most years, I forget about everyone\u2019s. I\u2019ll grab a card that afternoon or send one late – if I remember at all. Usually, it doesn\u2019t seem like that big of a deal to me but other times I feel like I\u2019m missing out on something that matters a lot. I wish my family had been more of an expressive and celebratory one but I\u2019ve realized over the years that we\u2019re just pretty reserved. Except for Christmas and Easter, holidays and special occasions weren\u2019t a priority; however, loving one another every day of the year was. I can justify my forgetfulness by patting myself on the back and saying that I try to appreciate people all the time but the truth of the matter is, I believe it’s important to celebrate the people we love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, you might be wondering how the first birthday without my Daddy slipped my mind.\u00a0 Maybe because he never does.\u00a0 I think of him everyday.\u00a0 I remember hand-picked flower bouquets from his garden that I\u2019d find waiting on my porch in the spring.\u00a0 Random cards left in my mailbox just to tell me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me.\u00a0 Lunch dates to Long John Silvers when I was a kid\u2026for no particular reason. Firewood he would bring over in the winter because he was afraid we hadn\u2019t had time to cut any. Spontaneous visits so he could clean the fans in my refrigerator that I didn\u2019t even know I had. Letting me pour his coffee out of a thermos on long road trips because he knew it made me feel so grown-up. Quick and vulnerable statements that would let me see into the beautiful parts of his soul that were forever fighting demons of loneliness and insecurity all because he knew I had those same demons and he didn\u2019t want me to fight them alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are so many little things that he did to show me how much I was loved and how glad he was to have me in his world. Sure, he and Mom never forgot to give me a card for my birthday but it\u2019s how they lived every other day of the year that made me feel special and made my life beautiful. Those things never slip my mind. None the less, I still felt terrible for forgetting this particular birthday. Until God showed me that He hadn\u2019t forgotten and had orchestrated a special moment of celebration for my Daddy earlier that day without me even realizing why.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I sat in my driveway after leaving my Mom\u2019s house in overwhelming gratitude that God would honor my Daddy even before I realized it was his birthday.\u00a0 The way God knows my personality never ceases to amaze me.\u00a0 Earlier that day I\u2019d listened to a podcast and heard a song that deeply moved my heart. I sent it to my family and told them how much it reminded me of Gaga (my Dad). Later, my husband asked me why it touched me so deeply and why I cried every time I heard it. All I knew to say was that it was hauntingly beautiful. It expressed a feeling of loneliness and longing that I think we all feel at times but don\u2019t know how to explain. I think Daddy would have related to it. He understood the darkness that we all sometimes face but he could also find his way to the light and hope of Jesus. He never spouted platitudes about life or faith but recognized that, sometimes, it\u2019s hard. He knew that Jesus intimately understands that too. He was the master of turning pain into worship and doubt into faith. For many people, he was a guide in the darkness to help them find the light.\u00a0 From hopelessness to hope.\u00a0 And for me\u2026from loneliness to belonging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Letting people know they aren\u2019t alone, giving words to their struggles and making them feel understood goes a long way in healing hearts.\u00a0 We all want to know that someone sees us and my Daddy saw people. He understood their pain.\u00a0 He was patient with them and he loved them with grace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yeah, I want to get better at remembering birthdays but what I really hope to achieve is to encourage others in their darkest hour.\u00a0 To write and speak words that give voice to their pain and\u2026then\u2026lead them to worship. To have arms that accept and love others no matter who they are. If I can do that in the hope of walking in my Daddy\u2019s footsteps, I think he would be thrilled.\u00a0 He would want me to do a better job at taking care of my sweet Momma but that\u2019s a different story. \ud83d\ude42 \u00a0For now, I\u2019ll mark the calendar for next year and Mom and I will have fish with vinegar at Long John Silver\u2019s in celebration of this man that we love and who loved us all very, very well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
( Song inspiration: Andrew Peterson’s “The Silence of God”)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I forgot that it was my Daddy\u2019s birthday last week. It was the first birthday without him and I didn\u2019t call my Mom to check on her. In fact, I only remembered because I went to see her that evening and she mentioned a call from her best friend because of it. That\u2019s pretty bad! […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1316,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,3],"tags":[15,727,71,726,123,125,141,167,182,189,191,256,274,328,331,341,407,728,592,597,637],"class_list":["post-1311","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faith","category-family","tag-acceptance","tag-birthdays","tag-celebrate","tag-celebration","tag-daddy","tag-darkness","tag-difficulties","tag-encouragement","tag-faith","tag-family","tag-father","tag-hardships","tag-hope","tag-legacy","tag-life","tag-love","tag-pain","tag-roll-model","tag-trials","tag-understanding","tag-worship"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1311","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1311"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1311\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1316"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1311"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1311"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1311"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}