I don\u2019t like to be wrong, but sometimes it\u2019s worse to be right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m a worrier by nature. I routinely fear that the worst will happen so I\u2019ve learned a tool that has helped me combat those worries over the years. I remind myself that our fears hardly ever happen. Being attacked by a shark, being in a plane crash, a tornado destroying my home, nuclear attack. It\u2019s true that the likelihood of my fears happening is small\u2026until it\u2019s not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had a card deck of questions Steve and I were asking at dinner one night while we were at the beach. Many of those answers have been invaluable to me over the last 4 months but one of them still chills my heart. \u201cWhat is your partners\u2019 greatest fear?\u201d We both got it right on the first try.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Steve\u2019s was being weak or out of control. Mine was having something happen to him or one of our kids. After 33 years together, many highs and lows, struggling to learn to communicate, and lots of history to look back on, we both knew the others\u2019 heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Literally, a week later, we faced both.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How I wish my fears would have been unwarranted, but the truth is that devastating things happen. Maybe not as often as we fear, but when they do, it changes everything.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Unfortunately, I\u2019ve met countless others over the last few months who wish they weren\u2019t walking through their own fears as well. Some who seem to have an unshakeable confidence that all will be well. Some who\u2019ve given up on the thought that God could love them or that he even exists. Some who are rightfully broken but humbly hopeful for the future. Some who take their hurt and wrap it around their hearts like a steal vest until nothing, pain or beauty, can get in or out. I\u2019ve wondered where my heart will be found once I process and walk through this season. Honestly, it scares me. Doubt, fear, anger, and hopelessness threaten to rule my mind and heart quite often but, in standing against them, the greater fear is the temptation to counter those emotions with simplistic religious answers or trite platitudes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the face of all this, the deep truth of Matthew 11 has reminded me that Jesus stands firm and true in the face of my greatest fears. Through John\u2019s question and Jesus\u2019 subsequent answer, my questioning heart is encouraged to remember that even the most faithful and humble servant of God can find themselves facing doubts because of fear, suffering or death. Jesus doesn\u2019t disregard or rebuke John for his question but actually honors his faithfulness. Isn\u2019t that beautiful? In verse 6, Jesus seems to allude to the fact that following Him won\u2019t always be easy but we are blessed if we don\u2019t fall away during those times. He goes on to acknowledge that there will be resistance and pain in the advancement of his Kingdom; that things may get blurry at times but, in the end, truth will be known by the fruit that it produces; that humans have the propensity to seek blessings more than truth; and that life can become hard and heavy at times – but he wants to give us rest. That\u2019s a lot of boxes he teaks off in one short chapter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It seems that he wants us to know he gets it. Life I mean. Not only does he get it, he cares and wants to help us through seasons of pain we didn\u2019t see coming. If someone gives me a 3-step plan as to how to trade my fears, burdens, worries and pain for God\u2019s rest\u2026I think I\u2019d be suspicious. Relationships aren\u2019t that easy. They\u2019re complex, ever-changing, dependent on communication and strengthened over time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This relationship I have with my Jesus is no different. So, this morning, over breakfast, He and I had some discussions. After 46 years of highs and lows, struggling to learn how to communicate and lots of history to look back on, He gets me and I\u2019m learning to listen.\u00a0 You\u2019re welcome to listen in if you\u2019d like but, better yet\u2026spend some time talking to him yourself. He doesn\u2019t mind the questions and he can handle our doubts. Listen for a while and ask to see the depths of his love even in the pain of life.\u00a0 My prayer for you and I today is to find a place of rest that cannot be shaken and a hope that rests in Him alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me – Are you really who you say you are, Jesus?\u00a0 Is it all true? This isn\u2019t what I expected and it\u2019s scary. It hurts. I\u2019m confused. Did I hear you wrong? I thought you said you were doing a new thing. That this year would bring complete healing. That our family would find a place of purpose and joy. How could I be so wrong? Why would you heal only to take? What do I do now? The hopelessness seems like it will never go away. God\u2026where are you?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n What I felt Jesus was saying to my heart- What have you seen and experienced in the past? What have I done in you and around you? Remember, sweet daughter. Remember – so that the enemy doesn\u2019t cloud your heart in this pain. The temptation is always to question when life gets hard and when it seems like you\u2019re being defeated. I understand. I\u2019ve faced it all myself. Don\u2019t so easily forget that I was, and am, victorious. This world is all you know (as of yet) but it isn\u2019t all there is. In fact, it isn\u2019t even your home. You are an eternal being created for an eternal home. This is simply the prologue to the real story and I want you to learn to focus on that. If you do, you won\u2019t cling to this world with such desperation because hope is never lost. Life is always waiting. Striving will cease because you can trust me to have your ultimate joy prepared and waiting. Death holds no power over my children and, because of that, life holds infinite possibilities. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Remind yourself of all the times I showed up and all the times you have seen beauty, redemption, restoration, salvation, healing and love. This present darkness doesn\u2019t change the truth of those moments and I continue to move in ways you can\u2019t see and haven\u2019t seen yet. I love you. I weep with you. I pray for you. And I want to carry you and your pain. Release it all to me\u2026your doubt, your fear, your anger, your confusion, your disappointment\u2026everything that is weighing heavy on your heart and pressing the breath out of your lungs. Open your hands and let it go. I am with you. In the moments when you question me and my promises, remember that this is always true. In every season, every wilderness, every pit\u2026I am with you. That\u2019s what I do. I come to you. I stand with you. I hold you. You don\u2019t have to figure out how to make your way to me because I\u2019m already here, now. Always have been and always will be. Life is a continuous series of joy and suffering but in all things, I am by your side and you are loved. Hold fast to that truth. Fight for faith with all that is in you so that you can trust me when nothing else makes sense. Guard your heart and don\u2019t let this world shut it off to love.I will carry you, your burdens and your pain. Speak to your fear and preach to your doubt, I was faithful then, I am faithful now, and I will be faithful for all of eternity.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n You, my love, are seen, known and held.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I don\u2019t like to be wrong, but sometimes it\u2019s worse to be right. I\u2019m a worrier by nature. I routinely fear that the worst will happen so I\u2019ve learned a tool that has helped me combat those worries over the years. I remind myself that our fears hardly ever happen. Being attacked by a shark, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1571,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,646,6,7],"tags":[128,694,145,151,175,193,223,274,331,336,437,547,636],"class_list":["post-1565","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faith","category-grief","category-reflections","category-seasons","tag-death","tag-direction","tag-disciple","tag-doubt","tag-eternity","tag-fear","tag-future","tag-hope","tag-life","tag-lonliness","tag-promise","tag-strength","tag-worry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1565","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1565"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1565\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1571"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1565"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1565"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1565"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}