{"id":600,"date":"2016-07-05T23:35:00","date_gmt":"2016-07-05T23:35:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/simplymeandjeans.wordpress.com\/?p=600"},"modified":"2016-07-05T23:35:00","modified_gmt":"2016-07-05T23:35:00","slug":"crushed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/?p=600","title":{"rendered":"Crushed"},"content":{"rendered":"
“For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.”<\/span><\/em><\/div>\n
James 2:10<\/em><\/div>\n
\"woman<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
To pray that you would show me the ugliness of my sin is to ask for a mountain to fall upon my soul and to crush it.<\/div>\n

Not to ask is to remain in a place of self-sufficiency that cognitively concedes to my need for a Savior without fully seeing and understanding my desperate position without it.<\/p>\n

One is a place of death and sorrow.
\nThe other is a place of comfort and pleasure.<\/p>\n

I have chosen the first and you have been faithful.<\/p>\n

But I had no idea what I would see and now I lay here, face down, wondering how you can see all of this, in all of us, and not turn away.<\/p>\n

Because I want to turn away.<\/p>\n

I want to pretend I am who I thought I was.\u00a0 A sinner\u2026but a sinner that had things pretty well cleaned up.\u00a0 A sinner that was graciously spared from serious sin which, I guess, made me more comfortable with your love.<\/p>\n

But then I asked.\u00a0 (Maybe even forgot that I asked.)\u00a0 But you answered.<\/p>\n

And you cared enough to shake the solid ground around me. To reveal my weakness and insecurities and the faults in the ground I thought was stable.\u00a0 To allow my voice to be silenced, my security to be taken away and my salvation to seem impossible.<\/p>\n

You cared enough to show me the darkness in my soul.\u00a0 To open my eyes to the truth that I am the person I never wanted to be\u2026.I always was.<\/p>\n

To reveal the utter horror of the labels I should wear.\u00a0 Liar, murderer, thief, hypocrite, gossip, slanderer, jealous and greedy neighbor, idol-worshipper, adulterer, arrogant and insecure fake\u2026.name it\u2026.I should wear it.<\/p>\n

And the mountain crumbled.<\/p>\n

And I crumbled.<\/p>\n

And the shallow faith of a believer that never knew the cost of her redemption crumbled into the dust.<\/p>\n

Into darkness,<\/p>\n

and fear<\/p>\n

and shame.<\/p>\n

and silence.<\/p>\n

But you are faithful and good.\u00a0 And you speak.<\/p>\n

In fact\u2026you sing.<\/p>\n

With strength and power and life.<\/p>\n

Because you know and have always known that this place of death and sorrow is exactly where your love and grace and salvation are truly understood.<\/p>\n

And truly received.<\/p>\n

Only in this place where I realize I am not only the cause of your sacrifice but the recipient of its outcome can I truly know your love? Only there can I truly know your hope.<\/p>\n

Your redemption,<\/p>\n

Your forgiveness<\/p>\n

Your incredible ability to accept the unacceptable.<\/p>\n

To cleanse the stained and to restore the lost, lonely and confused.<\/p>\n

The rubble that crushes becomes the very rubble that creates an altar of gratitude.<\/p>\n

How can you see me, perfect and holy King of Kings.<\/p>\n

How can you forgive me, your child who chose to walk in darkness?<\/p>\n

How can you love me, Lamb of God?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s beyond my understanding.<\/p>\n

But you do.<\/p>\n

You know me.<\/p>\n

You sing life over me.<\/p>\n

You call me to obey.<\/p>\n

And you open my eyes to this incredible, beautiful, long-suffering love that calls me out of darkness into your wonderful light.<\/p>\n

And what more can I do but praise you with every breath I take?<\/p>\n

“Oh, what joy for those\u00a0whose disobedience is forgiven,\u00a0whose sin is put out of sight! \u00a0Yes, what joy for those\u00a0whose record the LORD<\/span>\u00a0has cleared of guilt,\u00a0whose lives are lived in complete honesty!” \u00a0\u00a0<\/em>Psalms 32:1-2<\/em><\/p>\n

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“For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.” James 2:10 To pray that you would show me the ugliness of my sin is to ask for a mountain to fall upon my soul and to crush it. Not to ask is to remain […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":603,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[217,312,430,455,515],"class_list":["post-600","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faith","tag-forgiveness","tag-joy","tag-praise","tag-redemption","tag-sin"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/600","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=600"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/600\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/603"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=600"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=600"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=600"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}