Who am I? That\u2019s been a reoccurring question lately. To try and describe myself is daunting.\u00a0\u00a0Probably because one description of who I\u2019ve been since childhood is a \u201cpeople pleaser.\u201d The thought of making a bad first impression or misrepresenting myself is a real thing.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s much less a thing than it used to be, but it\u2019s still a thing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The core of my identity is as a loved, forgiven, called, and justified daughter of God.\u00a0\u00a0Everything else is held loosely in the light and hope of those truths.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I type that, I realize it may sound very mature of me. And, although I do believe God has given me some wisdom and perspective that I didn\u2019t have earlier in life, I also know that \u201cholding on loosely\u201d has, somewhat, been forced upon me. Reconciling deep disappointment, pain and doubt with deep love for Jesus has been difficult. It\u2019s both comforting and scary to realize that everything I am, and everything I have, is available to His will. I\u2019m a woman in the process of rediscovering who I am, what God has for me, and being okay with that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was a wife for 33 years. I\u2019m now a widow at an age in which we had planned to be living out our dreams. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was a pastor\u2019s wife for 20 years. I\u2019m now searching for what and where my ministry lies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m a mother of 3 amazing young woman but parenting adults is different. Their needs are larger and my worry is deeper. SO, I feel like a new mom, prayerfully asking God for wisdom while needing his help to surrender my kids to his care. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m a person that believes in a miracle working God. I\u2019ve seen him do amazing things. AND I\u2019m a person who struggles with fear and doubt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m the only daughter to a woman that was once stronger than most men I know, but now has to humbly ask for help, (I know it’s hard because I’m having to do the same thing.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m too liberal for some and too conservative for others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m 58 but I often feel like I\u2019m still 35. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m a person who really loves routine but is waiting for God to \u201cdo a new thing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hmmm. Maybe I\u2019m the new thing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I know life is beautiful but it\u2019s also painful and uncomfortable right now. I\u2019m still breathing and God is still good so, apparently, we\u2019re not done yet. Even though I feel like a walking contradiction, there are a few things I know without a doubt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m a friend to a handful of people who have prayed me through some dark times. I\u2019m an encourager. An Enneagram Coach. A writer. A worshipper. A prayer warrior. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I love to workout, read, garden, eat Cajun and Mexican food, listen to music, lay by the ocean and hike in the mountains. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I like red wine in the winter, margaritas in the summer, and hot tea all year long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I reread The Hiding Place, Chronicles of Narnia, Practicing the Presence of God and Dark Night of the Soul every year or two. My family is the joy of my life. I love my front porch. And I can be comfortable in my skin one minute and completely insecure the next. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And one other thing I know is that I\u2019m much more similar to you than I am different. Living half a century and traveling all over the world has taught me that humans all long to be loved, seen and accepted. Meeting that need for others is one of the most satisfying feelings I know. Having that need met by others is one of the most healing things I know. Walking in the fulfillment of that need through the blood of Christ is the wisest thing I know. So, I\u2019ll just end with something that Tim Keller said that becomes more beautiful and more true to me each year that I live. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou are more sinful than you could ever dare imagine and you are more loved and accepted than you could ever dare hope \u2013 at the same time.\u201d\u00a0Tim Keller<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Who am I? That\u2019s been a reoccurring question lately. To try and describe myself is daunting.\u00a0\u00a0Probably because one description of who I\u2019ve been since childhood is a \u201cpeople pleaser.\u201d The thought of making a bad first impression or misrepresenting myself is a real thing.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s much less a thing than it used to be, but it\u2019s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":8112,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,3,7],"tags":[648,667,182,189,232,668,305,331,341,655,490,670,547,669],"class_list":["post-8125","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faith","category-family","category-seasons","tag-christianity","tag-contradictions","tag-faith","tag-family","tag-god","tag-human","tag-jesus","tag-life","tag-love","tag-paradox","tag-seasons","tag-similarities","tag-strength","tag-weakness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8125","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8125"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8125\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/8112"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8125"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8125"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karenlawson.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8125"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}