Parenting…it’s not for the weak

We’ve had multiple times over the past few years when one of our kids had to move back home for a short time. I love the life that Steve and I have together, but I also love being with my family. The fact that they know we’re here for them and that they like us enough to consider coming back is something I’m eternally grateful for. 

Recently, we had three weeks of a full house. 6 adults, 2 babies and 4 dogs converged on our home with the possessions of two young women and two families crammed into every corner.  Our schedules were dictated by a 2 year-old and a 9 month-old and I swept up a pile of dog hair and ran to the grocery store twice a day. The washing machine was once again on high capacity and dishes were constantly in the sink.  For four of those days, my daughter and her husband took a vacation, and we watched two babies…alone…for the first time.

It was wonderful!

Now that everyone is settled in their own separate homes and Steve and I are alone once again, I’ve been thinking a lot about those three weeks. I remember being exhausted during those four days without my daughter and thinking about two friends of ours that have recently adopted their grandson. They’re close to our age and have taken on the responsibility to love and care for a baby indefinitely. I consider them heroes! I’d gladly do the same if it were needed but I am under no delusion as to how hard it would be at my age and how daunting the task would be. Needless to say, I have been praying for them a lot lately. Praying for joy and stamina. But, mostly, for a community of people that will rally around them with support, encouragement and help.

I’ve also been reminded of the fact that mothers are amazing. I wish I could take all the young moms I know to lunch and tell them that someone sees how hard, and important, their job is. In lieu of that, I’ll just tell them here…

I’d forgotten how constant it is and how exhausting it can be to have little hands pulling on you and asking for something all…day…long. From the moment your eyes open there are diapers to change, attention spans to occupy, things to explain, food to make, bottles to give, disasters to avert, tears to wipe, hugs to share, games to play, books to read, love to lavish, creativity to encourage and struggles to wage (and, hopefully, win). Not to mention all the chores that normally need to be done and nights that consist of bedtime struggles, nightmares and late-night feedings. Let me tell you that it matters so much more than you feel like it does. The time you give your children will knit their hearts to yours and that’s a gift that you can’t calculate. Your grace and patience will help them grow in confidence. Your gentleness and generosity will shape their souls so that the same gentleness and generosity flows from their lives. Your children see you as an angel of sorts, so become what they believe you to be. Kids have a way of highlighting our weaknesses and that can be a gift from God if we allow Him to chisel away at the rough edges that show up. There’s not much that reflects who we really are as well as our children’s eyes. Trust me, this time will fly by, and you will long for messy rooms and childish laughter. Let the sparkle in your children’s’ eyes ignite the sparkle in your own during those hard years.

I had so many memories of the years when my girls were young as I watched my granddaughters. Sweet memories of plays they performed, “food” we cooked, finger paintings that we did and puddles we jumped in. They were such sweet years but I don’t think I had a true appreciation of them until they were gone. Or until I was old enough to see the beauty of childhood. I remember sitting on the front porch swing with my granddaughter in my lap and feeling overwhelmed by the awe of her. Not just how much I love her but how amazingly miraculous it is to watch a child grow. To see them look at something for the first time and realize that their brain is in the process of storing all kinds of new information. To watch their wonder as they see a butterfly or to hear them laugh at the feeling of a raindrop on their nose. I wish I would have had this perspective when my kids were young. I wish I would have plopped down on the floor with them and been amazed by rolling a ball back and forth. I wish I would have created opportunities for them to get dirty more by drawing on the sidewalk, making mud pies, or sliding around on a soapy floor in a diaper.  I wish I would have sung songs with them instead of turning on the TV, shared the awe of watching a worm or bird, taken books off the shelf with them and then taught them how to put them back over, and over, and over again instead of just getting frustrated that they pulled them off the shelf in the first place. I don’t think I was a bad Mother, but I know the propensity of youth to be preoccupied with all the issues of life and I was preoccupied much of the time.  Age offers us wisdom to see that most things aren’t nearly as lasting or beautiful as watching a hummingbird for the first time.  It reminds you to stop and give your full attention to things that are precious because you realize how quickly they’re gone.

So, now that I can sit on my front porch early in the morning to journal and pray, I’m reminded of how sweet it was to give my granddaughter a notebook and marker so she could “journal” with me even though I didn’t get much written. How sweet it was to swing and watch the birds as the sun was rising just like I did with my Grandparents and my Dad.  That legacy hits me hard as the house is quiet this morning.  I realize that family is a gift, and memories are created when we’re present with one another.  Make the most of the chaos. It won’t last forever but how we react to it will forever change us… and those we love.