I’m An Idiot

I’m an idiot.

Seriously.

After almost 50 years on this earth you’d think I’d learn a few things.  Things like… taxes are inevitable, Sonic will get my order wrong, politicians will find something to fight about, it will rain when I wash my car and when I hear God speak in regards to my family I should obey.

My girls are adults now.  It’s just plain weird.  Figuring out how to be less of a parent and more of a friend  is tough. Enjoyable most of the time, but tough.   On the other hand, figuring out how  to become an adult and less dependent on your parents’ is uncomfortable.  I mean really….who wouldn’t want to avoid the stresses of adulthood? This adjusting and maneuvering is hard enough but when conflict is added to the mix, only an idiot wouldn’t listen to God’s voice.

To be fair,  I listened.  In fact,  I have it written in my journal on two separate days to prove
I listened.  Then emotions kicked in,  things were misunderstood, wills collided,  fear took  hold and I went deaf.  Or temporarily insane.  Or both.

I’d like to give myself credit because my insanity  took longer to take over this time around.  I calmly told myself, “You can do this.  Just obey.  Even if it’s hard. It will be okay.  Keep your mouth shut and just…”  and then my mouth was open.  WIDE.

I’m an idiot.

The issue isn’t whether I was right or wrong on the topic.  The issue was whether I would trust God to work it out  or take matters into my own hands.  I know that my own hands can do a lot of damage.  They can love and nurture and serve but, in the power of my flesh, they can also make a mess of things.  They’ve made a few messes over the years.

But, God is good. And my girls are grown.  And we worked it out.  And I am more grateful than I can say.

Things aren’t perfect in our family but they are real.  Things can be messy.  We can all be idiots. But, we are honest. We love each other.  I think we trust one another.  And we all want to honor God even on the days that we don’t.  It’s always the goal and there’s always hope to do better next time.

Did I tell you that my girls are some of my best friends? They are.  They are stubborn,  strong, opinionated, sinful women. I find them interesting even if frustrating at times.  But they are also humble, teachable, loving, forgiving and forgiven saints. I find them inspiring all the time. The beauty I find in having adult children is that, hopefully,I  modeled humility, love, forgiveness and apologizing well enough that they model it right back to me.  That’s full circle grace and it fills my soul with gratitude.

God is bigger than my failings and he loves idiots.

On a side note,  I find myself wondering if any of you might need to hear from God today. He’s so faithful to speak to us when we seek Him and when we listen. Maybe He wants to speak to you through me today. So here is what I wrote in my journal this week.  If it speaks to your heart, obey.  No need for both of us to be idiots.

Love you guys,

Karen

Speak the truth in love.  Truth is important but without love it makes a mess.

Listen. Listen. Listen.

Remember that God is bigger than our circumstances.

Recognize and live in God’s presence. That’s what I need more of.

Breath