Open Hands

You ask me to open my hands and offer you everything.

Every treasure that you’ve placed in them. Every joy that I’ve known. Every love that’s sustained me. Every gift that you’ve bestowed. Every beat of my heart. Every song I long to sing.  Every fear that weighs me down.  Every tear that’s fallen in secret. Every lonliness that I carry.Every disappointment that I bear. Everything.

But then what?

The world fads to black as my fingers open.  Slowly. Tentavily. Desperate for you.

All around me is gone and I’m alone.

Utterly alone.

Weightless

Aimless

With nothing holding me or grounding me to what’s familiar.

To let go of it all leaves me with nothing. And, yet, maybe more than I’ve ever known.

Vast, boundless and unchartered space.

The thought flashes through my mind that  if I can just breathe  and trust,  invisible hands may carry me through this dark night of the soul into something new and beautiful.

Maybe I’m not alone.

Are you here?  In the lonliness?  In the fear?  In the heartache?  In the doubt? In the anger? In it all?

If only I can find you.

One breath.  “Keep your hands open”

Two Breaths. “Don’t take it all back”

Three Breaths.   “He is trustworthy”

Four Breaths…Five Breaths…Six Breaths…Seven breaths…

Moment by moment

Until the dark is no more.  Until the dawn. Until I’m grounded in you.

Until you are my “familiar.”

I plead that your scared hands would hold mine…. and keep them open…