Why Are You Here?

The songbirds are what I remember most. The crisp air was a gift as it blew through the open window each night until the sun rose at 4:30 am. The birds started singing as soon as the sunrays broke over the horizon. They didn’t stop until the darkness covered the world at 11 each evening. Those are longer days than this southern girl is used to, but every minute was full of something beautiful. Miles of rolling hills, sheep, rock walls, beautiful old churches, chance meetings, encouraging conversations, sweet silences, laughter, glorious sunsets, futbal, cider, prayers….and always…always…birds singing.  

People asked why I was traveling to Scotland, alone, to meet 14 people I’d never met, and I didn’t have a very good answer.  I just knew that the pieces had fallen into place to make a 62-mile pilgrimage from Melrose to the Holy Island of Lindisfarne. I randomly found the ministry that led the trip through a podcast that I listen to. They happened to have a last-minute opening. I happened to be free. And my daughters and friends strongly agreed that God was guiding my feet to this adventure in the Borderlands. For months, I trained and read and tried to learn as much as I could about Celtic Christianity; St. Cuthbert, who lived around 650 AD; and the Northumbria Community. Then, a week before the trip, I started to panic. The question running through my head was, “Why in the world are you going?”  It made little sense that I would travel again, alone, after all the trauma my family has experienced over the last 10 years? 

I think it’s a valid question, but God did what he does and raised up his people, my people, to hold my heart. The way he so faithfully does this for me, especially when I feel alone, never ceases to bring tears to my eyes. He is so patient and tender with me.  Acquaintances, my children, close friends…they prayed and encouraged and confirmed that He was in this. The night before I left, two precious friends anointed my feet and prayed that every step I took would allow me to let go of things I didn’t need and receive the blessings that God had waiting for me. 

There was no lightning bolt moment along the journey but there WAS a remembrance and recognition of things I’ve learned over the last few years. Things that had become muddled in the chaos, grief, worry, fear and exhaustion of life, but things that God wanted me to know that I knew – and that I know. Things such as: 

God is faithful to provide what I need even in the presence of my enemies and pain. 

Trusting in His eternal love is the only way to find peace. 

Because of Jesus, life always comes from death.  Winter always gives way to spring.

 Being myself is enough. 

God always shows up when I invite him to walk with me. (Because He is always walking with me whether I recognize it or not.)

When I am weak or broken, Jesus provides a safe place of rest and refuge. 

Walking with God, today, will prepare me for where we walk tomorrow. No matter if it’s at home or across the world.

But, the greatest reminder came on top of a mountain, across the ocean, in a silent moment as I fought to move forward in the face of a ferocious headwind. God rephrased the question that I had asked myself a week earlier. 

“Why are you here, Karen?” 

The wind blew in every direction as did my overly analytical thoughts, fears and quiet desires to be healed, whole, confident and fearless. Over the noise and chaos, God quietly whispered this question with tender love and understanding. My mind raced through all the possible answers. “I’m here for clarity, for healing, for direction, for revelation, for adventure, for a purpose, all of it, or none of it, or something else…I don’t really know.  Why AM I here, Lord?” And the Holy Spirit seemed to do what he does so well.  He brought order to the chaos by gently saying, “Be still and breath.  Now…why are you here?”

So…I took a breath and the prayer that flowed from my heart was simply, “I’m here, Lord… because I want to be with you.”

Our leader told us to remember that we walk with God to be with God. After 9 days and 62 miles of walking  through pine forests, ancient woods, meadows, marsh lands, sandy beaches, muddy pastures, over rolling hills, up steep mountains, down rocky slopes and through quaint villages, I noticed that walking with God is simply living life with the awareness of His presence. It’s surrender. To face whatever life brings with a trust and recognition of God’s presence and a desire to honor Him in it all is, simply put, worship. 

To walk with Him when I’m alone and when I’m with company. When I have something to say and when I don’t. When I’m at peace and when I’m in pain. When I see His blessings and when I question if He’s still with me.  It’s all worship. I don’t walk with Him to win His love or prove something to the world. I do it for the same reason Peter had when Christ asked if the disciples stop walking with Him.  

“So, Jesus said to the Twelve, “You don’t want to go away too, do you?” Simon Peter answered “Lord, to whom will we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.” 

John 6:67-69 CSB

I walk with Him so I’m close enough to hear His voice when I need guidance.  I walk with Him to hear His loving song over me when I’m insecure. I walk with Him to learn His ways and to be lost in the greatness of who He is instead of blinded by the lies of this world. I walk with Him with the hopes that others will join us on the journey and see that He is a good, loving and kind companion. I walk with Him because it’s my choice and my privilege and because He first chose to walk with me. 

To grab His hand and take another step is sometimes the most beautiful song of surrender that I can offer because the walk can be so hard.  On those days, simply to continue is my greatest gift of worship to a worthy King.  It’s a bird song that breaks through the darkness and fills the day with beauty and hope. No matter where my path leads, my prayer is “Lord, no matter where we go, help me to rest in your presence, enjoy your love and always…always…keep walking as I sing your praise. Amen.”