What The World Needs

Over the last month, various circumstances have aligned to remind me of an obvious and basic truth of life.  It’s as if God has been setting up dominoes  in an intricate pattern of intertwining circles that would eventually topple into one another only to end in a mess at the center of it all.  A central truth that was connected by various  circumstances emerged.  This truth isn’t a mystery by any means, but it sure seems to be difficult to integrate into my life.

I guess it started when my daughter left for Kenya.  She will spend the  summer with people she’s been dying to get back to for a year plus a group of new people she’ll connect with  and grow to love only to say goodbye to all of them again in a few months.  That would be difficult for me.  Both building relationships and having to say goodbye.

Then a friend from our gym told me about a podcast that she loves and I proceeded to binge on it for the next 2 days.  It left me with an odd and disturbing feeling.  I guess it was a mixture of sadness and disgust. Sadness over the loneliness and self destruction so many people live with and disgust over the way we treat one another.

These two events were followed by weeks of my husband traveling, a busy schedule without much recollection of what kept me busy and news reels of terror attacks. Posts on Facebook that reminded me how long it had been since I’d seen friends.  A novel that challenged my thoughts on how a person of faith should walk through  this world and how best to love people. Stories of friendships my husband has in countries where we have very little in common.   Friends struggling with heartaches over children, marriages, sickness and disappointments.  Even my granddaughter’s connection with her Mom. One that you can literally see in her eyes when they are close or when she realizes Mommy isn’t there.  One is of deep joy and love and the other of deep sorrow that leaves a  tangible ache in the room.

In the middle of it all I was blessed to spend 3 hours with 2 friends that I hadn’t seen in 30 years.  I was nervous, to be honest. I would have to  connect with people I hadn’t seen in three decades but it ended up being so easy.  They are as lovely, fun and beautiful as they were in high school and I left  feeling blessed and encouraged.  It was as if someone had lifted 20 pounds off of my back and I realized the central truth that defines so much of life.

We are made for connections.

Even the most introverted among us need people in our lives who care for us and know us.  People who can disagree with us but love us anyway.  People who give life meaning and support us when life seems to be difficult.

I recently downloaded a couple of books on Audible. One of them was a book of poetry by Robert Frost who is one of my favorites.  This quote came to mind the other night as I sat in my living room late into the evening having a “discussion” with a couple of people.

“Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense.”  Robert Frost

I realized the next morning that I had enjoyed the debate but had wasted all too much time arguing for the sake of arguing or with the hopes of convincing them of my views when the reality was that I didn’t have to.  Many of my opinions are nonsense.  I’m sure of it.  I would dare say that many of yours probably are too.  I say this because I’ve watched many an opinion change over the years and I’m sure I will continue to do so.  I’ve thought myself to make sense only to find, later, that I was making very little.  So, why do I waste time arguing instead of understanding?  Why do I get so defensive? Why is it so important that someone agrees with me or sees my point of view?  Is it pride and the need to be right?  Is it wanting to feel as though my opinion is valued or respected? Is it wanting to be heard? Is it fear? Is it a need for control?

Maybe all of the above.

The truth is, we can disagree and still be valued, respected and heard.  It’s even possible that both sides can be right. But, we so often push and push and push instead of realizing that the very pushing we do to draw someone closer to us is only building walls between us.

And then another Frost quote…

“Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,

That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,

And spills the upper boulders in the sun;

And makes gaps even two can pass abreast.”

Frost beautifully argues that neighbors don’t need walls between them.  Sure, cows may need a wall to keep them out of an orchard but people…. people don’t need fences.

His neighbor tends to think that “good fences make good neighbors” and I wonder if we all have been convinced of that very thing as well.

Has our fear, pride and insecurity caused us to isolate ourselves? Sometimes without even realizing it?  Other times, purposefully, to protect ourselves or to hurt someone else?

Have we forgotten what it’s like to have people in our lives who are truly a part of our lives? What it’s like to sacrifice our right to be “right”, our time, our energy or our defensiveness in order to love, help and know someone else in a really vulnerable way?

I think the conversation that God used as the tipping point of the first domino was one I had in my front yard with a young woman we’ve watched grow up.  As we talked about relationships and life and emptiness and fulfillment, she said “We need connections.  But, there is something unexplainable about the connection I have with a friend who loves Jesus in comparison to my relationship with someone who doesn’t. It’s so much deeper even when we are talking about things that aren’t deep.”

And the dominoes started to fall.  Twisting and turning through my mind as I thought of walls, loneliness, purpose, friendships, hate, fear, shame, forgiveness, value, acceptance, meaning, death, life, healing……

Falling into a beautiful pattern of intertwined circles that wouldn’t seem to have any connection until they each came to the end of themselves and fell at the feet of love. A love that is unexplainable but that another believer not only understands, but carries inside of them.   I was reminded that my life is never full, never meaningful and never powerful without it flowing from the center of God’s heart. The very heart of love itself. Without my heart being in tune with His heart and without my days passing in an undying pursuit of connecting with the people whom He loves so dearly, it is all in vain.

Because of His never-ending faithfulness, until we understand and remember this, He will continue to set up the pieces again, and again.  To align our circumstances, speak in the most mundane things, highlight the failures around us and to remind us over and over and over again that what we need and what we are created to give is one in the same: Love.