Significant Insignificance

There are seasons in our lives that God uses to change us and teach us things we may not otherwise have seen.  We don’t usually plan for those seasons and they’re seldom enjoyable, but they’re gifts of grace none the less.

A few people have asked me how I’m doing after the events of the last few months and I can honestly say I’m fine.  But, I can also honestly say that my mind and heart feel like they’re being tossed around in the winds of a tornado. There are a handful of things that have made a deep impression on my heart through all of this but none of them are clear. Just as soon as something starts to come into focus, a memory or a feeling comes out of nowhere and sends it whirling out of reach.

However, I’m acutely aware of a couple of things that I think are worth pondering.  First of all, we all matter much more than we think we do.  Our lives have the power to either deeply bless or to deeply hurt the people that we meet along our journey and those people remember those things long after we do.  Your life and my life have unlimited potential to make a difference in this world and God has orchestrated divine appointments for us to touch people with His grace every day.

Here’s the contradictory thought that I think is equally true.

We don’t matter at all.

Our lives are a grain of sand on the beach of time. We’re here one moment and gone the next.  I mean, we matter to those closest to us but, in the scheme of things, we’re not all that significant to the world on our own. Which is why it’s astonishing to me that Christ sees us as valuable.  Valuable enough to die for us so that we wouldn’t be alone.

Our lives take on a new significance when we take on God’s calling.  It seems to me that the moments in which we forget about ourselves are the moments in which we’re able to touch others and truly make a difference in this world. When we aren’t thinking about our need for attention, the approval of other people or getting our agenda out there, we are more able to exemplify the verse that says, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30) Those are moments of eternity – the moments we were created for that carry eternally significance.

We are both insignificant and extremely significant.  It could be that our motivation determines which we are at any given time.

I’ve had the privilege of hearing from a few people over the last few months and it’s been humbling to hear what they have had to say about Steve and I.   Times I don’t remember doing anything in particular seem to be the times people were touched the most. In fact, I met many of them during seasons of my life in which I was simply trying to keep my head above water.  On the other hand, I’ve had a lot of alone time to think about the other moments of my life.  The ones that left people hurt or offended or neglected.  Those seasons when I was insecure, lonely, self-focused, or desperate for attention and significance.  Those were the times, unfortunately, when my self awareness kept Christ’s love from being seen in and through me. They’re not my proudest moments but God has used them to spotlight areas of my life that need healing.  Maybe, if I can trust Him enough, God will bind up those broken places and use them to bless other people down the road as He works “me out of me” and “Him into me”.  (If that makes any sense.)

I believe life is not the end but, it does have eternal consequences. Life is short and we don’t know if we have tomorrow so let’s make the most of today. It doesn’t really matter how many people follow me on Instagram, how many likes I get on Facebook, whether people read these blogs or not…  Sure, I’d love to have a positive influence on a bunch of people with my words but I don’t want that to determine how I feel about myself or my success in the Kingdom of God. I don’t want my heart to subtly get drawn into the lie that attention means significance.  I want my significance to be found in loving God with all that I am and loving others the way He loves me.  My desire is that when I take my last breath, I will have left more of Jesus in this world than me. That will do much more good than anything I could ever say, do or offer.

As a side note,  don’t pass up the chance to thank people who have blessed you in the past.  Most of us have no idea if we’re making a difference at all and you would be shocked at how that small bit of encouragement can change everything.