Whatever path, He’s there

“Try to lighten someone’s load or make them smile. You never know what their day has been like and what pain they’re carrying.”

If I had to list the top 10 lessons that I’ve learned from my parents and hope to emulate , this would be one of them.

We’ve all had days that knock the wind right out of us and leave us stunned or hurting.  Those days whose dates we never forget.  You know. Like 9/11.

I’ve had my own share of those days.  September 7, February 8, August 9, May 30 among others.  Dates that mean nothing to you but stir up all kinds of emotions in my heart. Dates that brought pain or sorrow whether by the choices of others, pain of this fallen world or failings of my own.  I’m sure you have your own list of those kinds of dates. The ones that become almost impossible to free yourself from and can make you feel alone, lost and hopeless.

But then there’s this.

“You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.  You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”  Psalm 139:15-16

Isn’t that mind-blowing?  God knew every day that we would live before we were even born.  Every difficulty we would face. Every pain we would endure. Every disappointment that would come our way. Every sin we would commit.  Everything!

Even more mind-blowing than that is verse 5 that says “You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head.”  We don’t always understand or see the reality of this verse in difficult times but I believe we have no idea how profoundly God is at work in our circumstances.  This past year has revealed to me the incredible strength and ability (and desire) He has to pursue his children, prepare us, provide for us and strengthen us before we ever even know we need it.  His wisdom is astounding and His mercy and love is overwhelming.

Even when we find ourselves in a hopeless situation, in bondage that seemed to come out of nowhere or in pain that threatens to leave us blind and groping in the dark, He is there.  He is with us. And He isn’t blind, afraid or lost.

“I could ask the darkness to hide me, and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.”  Psalm 139:11-12

I am overwhelmed by the truth of my God’s love for me and His faithfulness to be with me no matter what tomorrow holds.  He is already there, has all that I need to walk through it and is more than able to make me victorious in it if I submit to His Lordship and trust in His love.

I’ve heard Psalm 139 my entire life but it has become so much more “alive” to me this year.  It’s been a busy year to say the least.  I knew that God was speaking to me in a way I’d never experienced back in January but I wasn’t really sure why.  Honestly,  I thought He was telling me that really great things were coming for my family in 2018.  Eleven months later and on this side of 4 traumatic events, I can say that He was preparing me… for sure! The darkness wasn’t dark to Him but He knew it would seem that way to me so He started loading me up with matches.  BUT,  it was also true that “really great things” came to our family this year. Great things that happened on days whose dates I will forever remember.  Dates that are full of joy, hope and love.  Dates that joined others such as March 11, March 4, April 1 and April 30.  The list of these new dates is long but one that made my heart resonate with the statement, “You place your hand of blessing on my head” happened on May 30.

If you notice, that date was listed as one that already held a lot of sorrow.  My mother-in-law died on that date in 2009.  Watching the suffering and pain that she, my husband and his dad went through for the year before here death was agonizing as was the sorrow that our whole family experienced when we lost her.  However, even then we knew and felt the presence and hope of Jesus and were more than grateful for the life we have in Him.  But on this date, 9 years later, I was reminded of how true Psalm 139 is and how blessed I am to be cherished and cared for by a loving God.

My husband was taken off life support after being on it for almost 2 weeks on that date.  After many days of uncertainty and being told to prepare to lose him, he breathed on his own.

On the same date that His mom took her last earthly breath.

That date became one that taught me more about my security in God than any other.  It came to represent the truth that God loves me, hurts with me, rejoices with me, carries me, provides for me, loves me and never leaves me IN JOY AND IN SORROW.  It represents the truth that this is not my home and that my life and my heart are always stronger and more powerful when I keep my focus on eternity.  That life is short and we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow so make the most of loving people today.  And, that death is not the end.  In fact, when I realized the connection of that date while sitting in ICU holding my husbands hand, I heard the Holy Spirit say to my heart, “He is alive, but never forget that Mia is more alive than any of you will understand until you take your final breath. She didn’t go from life to death…she went from death to life.”

Other things have happened since May 30th that have shaken the strength I gained from that day but I hope I never forget what it represents and that God will always lead me back to it when things are dark.  His presence helps to alleviate anxiety,  His holiness illuminates my sin and His love leads me to life that is not relegated to this world but lasts forever.

I have no idea what 2019 will hold but I know that I trust, more than ever, in the hands of my God to hold me through it all. Joy or pain. Failure or success.  Life or death.

He will hold you as well and is perfectly capable of helping you walk whatever path is set before you because He is already there.

My encouragement is that you seek Him with desperation.  Fill your days with His word.  Be honest with Him about where you find yourself.  Turn off the noise around you and listen.  Write down your thoughts and anything He speaks to your heart.  Have faith that He cares and will guide you and speak to you.  Obey what you learn and quietly trust in His love.  Then… in a year…reread what you have written and be amazed at the incredible love that surrounds you from day to day and date to date.  No matter what they hold.

He is good and He is worthy. And we are loved. 

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”            Psalm 139:23-24