Fixing my faith on Jesus – again

A few days ago, one of my best friends said that I should write about this experience we’re all having with Covid-19. Her encouragement blessed me but my immediate reaction was, “I have nothing to say.”   I either write in my journal to process my emotions and what God is teaching me or I write on my blog with the hope of encouraging people to trust in a very good and faithful God.  During these past few weeks, my journal is depressingly empty and the level of fear and anxiety in my heart is embarrassingly high.  Let’s just say that I’ve been disappointed in myself and the lack of faith I’ve had in my God who has always been more than faithful.

So here I am.  Sitting on my front porch watching the bluebird who returned to her nest after a storm blew it down. I carefully put it back in place and was thrilled to watch as she returned last week and has been sitting on those gorgeous blue eggs like nothing ever happened. Beautifully fragile vessels that carry the potential of life and flight.  Yes…I’m making a very weak metaphor, but it feels appropriate.

I feel like my faith has come crashing down because of this storm.

The last 3 years has strengthened my faith in a way that’s awed me.  I’ve seen God move and felt His presence in ways that have been life changing.  I’ve grown closer to friends who point me to Jesus regularly. I’ve found that God has changed my perspectives in a way that has broken chains of fear and doubt off of me, and the Holy Spirit has been growing my expectation of what God wants to do through me and my family.

How quickly my heart can lose courage.

I know God is still in control but I don’t feel it. And, that new found joy of overcoming fear and anxiety that I was experiencing for the first time in my life, it now seems to have been replaced by a constant sense of doom…dread…hopelessness…or something. Maybe it’s just the consistent whisper of the unknown.  I’ll say this for sure. If we will look, this storm will reveal our weaknesses. I know it has mine, so my prayer is that I’ll allow God to do what He always does. Bring good and beauty out of what the enemy desires for evil.

The question becomes, what do I do with my faith that is laying on the ground in this ferocious storm?

It seems that God has answered that question in Hebrews 12: 2 (NLT).

“We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.”

What is the “this” we are doing?  Running with endurance the race God has set before each of us. By keeping our eyes on Jesus, and Him alone, we can keep moving.  I love the way that The Passion Translation reminds me that Jesus is far above our natural realm.

“We look away from the natural realm and we fasten our gaze onto Jesus who birthed faith within us and who leads us forward into faith’s perfection.“

As I’ve been sitting here watching the birds and feeling the wind blow across the porch, it’s as if I’ve finally calmed my soul enough to hear the Holy Spirit speak to my heart. Maybe He’s speaking to yours too.  In this storm of uncertainty, could He be saying to His people, “Give ME your attention.”

All of my attention.

A few weeks ago my attention was given to all kinds of different things.  Work, school, sports, entertainment, social activities…

This week my attention is given to Facebook, news reports, the number of those infected, mortality rates, economic fallout…

It’s so easy to be distracted.  It’s so incredibly easy to focus on the things of this world…and so difficult to give God all that I am.

But, it is so necessary if I want to live, and grow, and hope, and fly.  If I have any prayer of being steadied in a storm, mobilized to bring peace and joy to those who are struggling or to walk in the kind of love and faith that outshines and overcomes my circumstances, I have GOT TO GIVE GOD MY FULL ATTENTION.

I have to confess, I have struggled with this during the last few weeks.  I don’t want to stick my head in the sand.  I don’t want to be uninformed. I don’t want to be blindsided. So, I’ve tried to keep up to date while limiting how much I’ve listened to and read. But it hasn’t helped.  I think it’s because I’ve allowed that information to paralyze me. I’ve played out worst case scenarios over and over and tried to formulate a plan so I’m prepared.  What a joke.  I’m never really prepared.

But God is.

So why haven’t I been pouring my heart out to God like I know I should?  Why haven’t I been listening to worship music all day like I know I need to. Why haven’t I been speaking truth or sharing Scripture with people to bless and encourage them? Because I’ve been distracted by all the noise around me.

Today I’m asking God to help me stop.

To help me refocus my heart on Him.

To remember all that He has done and to give him all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

This world could use a group of people that are at peace right now.  It could use a group of people who are focusing on hope and God’s miraculous power.  A group of people praying for others and sharing those things that are good, right, encouraging and lovely. A group of people doing what they can I the face of a storm. I need that. I think you need that too. I know God create that kind of person in us if we turn to Him and desperately seek His face.

I want that so badly! But, I have to tell you that I expect to have good days and bad days during this storm and I, we, need to be kind to ourselves in that.  God knows we are but dust.  He understands our fears and failures. But He doesn’t want us to stay there.  I know my God and He is so much bigger than all of this.  He desires so much more for us than fear and anxiety.  He will gently pick us up, secure us in His love and breathe life into our souls.  He will protect us and nurture us until our faith is strong enough to break out of the circumstances we find ourselves in, stretch our wings, and fly.

Yes…. I’m sticking with my weak metaphor because even though I know how weak I feel…. My God is strong! And in the shadow of His wings, I will sing for joy.