Is It Spring Yet?

“My love calls to me: Arise my darling. Come away, my beautiful one. For now the winter is past; the rain has ended and gone away. The blossoms appear in the countryside. The time of singing has come and the turtledove’s cooing is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs; the blossoming vines give off their fragrance. Arise, my darling. Come away, my beautiful one.” Song of Songs 2:10-13

I remember picturing myself running into Spring only to look back, twelve months later, in confusion over how the year had become the most dormant one in recent memory. God’s voice had seemed quiet, my heart seemed numb, purpose and direction were missing, worry and anxiety weighed me down, and loneliness was a constant companion. And yet, God gave me sweet moments of connection with precious people in my lonliness. He provided reminders of His goodness to protect and provide for His children even when I doubted. He revealed the depth of His longing to know and love humanity even in our brokenness. And He whispered personal words of significance in a way that solidified my identity after fifty years of thinking I had it figured out. As God always does, He had redeemed what seemed like a wasted year with moments of grace. But, still, I wondered… where was Spring? Did I miss it, mess it up or hear Him wrong?

And then there was one beautiful Texas day that provided some clarity.

I woke to a thirty-five degree morning only to find myself in shorts and enjoying eighty degrees that afternoon. Texas is known for volatile weather, especially during the winter and spring. So much so that I pack an extra outfit each day. Just in case.

Isn’t that how life is? A mixture of cold and warmth? Grief and joy? Darkness and light? Life and death? Life is full of contradictions and so is faith. In fact, I’m a firm believer in the paradoxical nature of God himself. To me, these paradoxes highlight the supernatural and infinite nature of God. I can’t understand Him because I’m finite…and He is not. So, as I took a walk on that warm afternoon and saw a daffodil just beginning to peek up through the ground, the Holy Spirit reminded me that this is how Spring comes. Slowly. In “fits and starts,” as my grandmother would say. With contradictions and drastic swings in both the weather and, sometimes, my heart. It arrives over time, quietly, imperceptibly, as plants send out unseen roots and shoots under the ground we tread. It can be an agonizing wait when we’re weary of winter but spring continues to move forward even when it’s not recognized and even when it’s completely unseen.

I’m blessed in all the paradoxes of life. I know that. But, I also long for a season in my soul and in my life that’s full of abundant joy and peace. I time that is defined by flourishing. Honestly, it’s hard to imagine without Steve beside me but I know God is a Father of good gifts and I know He has a plan for my life – even now. Which is why I look back over the previous year with a new understanding that He is, in fact, leading me into Spring. Even if I don’t recognize it and even though I have no idea when it will burst forth with its’ myriad of blooms, butterflies and songbirds. Until then, I remind myself that it begins with a few warm days that stir hope in my soul. It may seem to stall as a late freeze numbs my heart and kills the promising buds of faith I had cherished only to leave me wrapped in a blanket and “resting” in front of a fireplace once again. Then, it may be completely forgotten as a raging storm rolls through and sends me into the closet to huddle down, pray and wait.

Yet, every step moves me closer to spring. To a new promise of growth and possibility. There’s no telling how long this liminal space will last but one day I will look around and know that God has brought me through. We made it to a new season. A new hope. A new joy. A new peace. A new life.

And the adventure will continue as the One who started it all invites me to trust Him in every turn of the earth, every setting of the sun and every dawn of a new day.

“From the rising of the sun to its setting, let the name of the Lord be praised.”

Psalm 113:3