Silence and Solitude

Today someone asked me to say a few words about the importance of silence in the life of a believer. Funny thing – my brain went silent. 

All I could think to say was that it’s hard for me AND I desperately need it. If I’m honest, I don’t have any wise words or intellectual understanding of this practice. It’s mysterious to me. But, the solitary moments that I have with God are so personal and intimate that I’m not sure those words would make sense to anyone anyway. Maybe that’s the idea.  

When I get alone with God and choose to shut my mouth, He meets with me in a way that he doesn’t meet with anyone else because He knows me.  Better than I know myself. 

I took a walk so I could think about what I wish I would have said and two thoughts came to mind. The first is that silence has opened a whole new world of worship to my heart.

 It could be my age, but, the need to kneel in silent worship is deeper than I’ve ever known it to be.  The realization of what God has done for me, what He is capable of doing and what He promises for eternity…well…it leaves me speechless. I believe poetic words and beautiful lyrics are gifts that God cherishes.  But, as I am more and more in awe of God’s faithful forgiveness, power and love for messy humans, I’m convicted that, sometimes, everything but silent awe falls short.  He invites me into His holy presence. Me! Not as a member of the global Church. Not because He’s obligated to allow me to come before him but because He loves me and wants to be with me. The God of all creation whose power bogles my mind asks me to seek Him and promises that I will find Him. That leaves me facedown before him in gratitude. 

The other thought I have about silence and solitude is that it reveals my pride and my propensity to “create” or “control” my world. It strips away all of me so that I can know him more.  And yes, it’s as painful as it sounds.  And it doesn’t happen quickly.  

There are moments of silence and then there are seasons of silence.  It sometimes takes a season to move my heart from “This is amazing” to “It’s really quiet in here” to “How long do I have left” to “Am I going crazy” to “I’m not gonna make it!” to…FINALLY… “OH! There you are God.” It is terrifying and it is beautiful.

Setting apart that kind of time for silence and solitude isn’t on the top 10 list for most of us. That’s understandable.  It’s strange, scary and unnatural.  At least for me it is. The distraction of my phone, computer, music, friends, family, responsibilities, etc. keep me comfortable in a constant hum of activity. Purposefully separating my heart from all of that and placing myself in a quiet chamber of solitude has highlighted that my biggest distraction is actually myself.   

When left with nothing but me and God, I find that my mind starts working overtime. I might try to fabricate an experience, reason my way to right answers for all the hard questions, judge the validity of other’s actions, entertain myself with creative ideas, question God’s existence, fall into despair, or even pat myself on the back for how capable and holy I am.  But, given enough time and silence, God always guides me back to the humble realization of my need for Him.  After my mind tries to fix the uncomfortable silence and once I come to the end of my pride, I am left with the reality that my world, as I create and sustain it, is futile and meaningless. But God….

It’s in that uncomfortable silence that I finally fall to my knees in surrender and Abba lifts my head, looks in my eyes and says, “There you are, my dear.”

 Without the pretense, without the pain, without the pride, without the fear, and without the noise…My Daddy picks me up, whispers words that are uniquely and intimately for me and breaths rest, peace and hope into my soul. 

I guess this is what I wish I would have said. Silence has simply driven me into the arms of an incredibly good and loving Father.